i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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