Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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