I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
