Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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