"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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