And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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