I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also, beer. Big fan.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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