Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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