i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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