You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
