Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
