He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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