Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize