The maid of honor just puked.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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