:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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