Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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