oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
