Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
