Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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