One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
