now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
