I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
