Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
