Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize