If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
