Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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