You work out of a Hotel?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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