Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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