you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
