Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
