what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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