dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
