Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
