You just made me feel so damn special
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
