It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
