I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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