And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
