seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
