When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
