Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
