we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
