and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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