I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
