Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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