Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
