Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
