I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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