Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
