the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
