i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
