I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I love having hate sex.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
