In the future we'll all be gay
I just saw a hot homeless man
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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