walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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