Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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