My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
