If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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