i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize