dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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