Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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