Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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