Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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