She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Drunk is not a location!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
