Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
