I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
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