watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
