rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
