Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
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Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
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Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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