I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
