Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
