No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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