just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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