I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
