so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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