**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
