he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
