A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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