Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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